day 5

My great friend Catherine asked me yesterday what it was that made me decide to change my life. After all I have been talking to her about doing it ever since we met when our youngest boys where in slings. This is the reason, this needs to be my mantra, the thing that wakes me up in the morning and i go to bed at night thinking of. I was doing one of those 20 minute morning yoga routines and at the end there is a 3 minute seated meditation. I always have wanted to be the kind of person who can sit still for that long, empty my head and just be but so far in my life that has not been so. On a side note hopefully that is changing. Anyways after that wonderful yoga routine the guy on the tape said, let your breathing be the focal point of your meditation. SO I concentrated on that and really listened to my heart and lungs and it was frightening! My breathing sounded like death. My children flashed into my thoughts then and I realized that if I did not get this under control and take my life back that they might grow up with out me. You would think I would have already thought of that, and I had but never in such a focused way. That was the last day I smoked and I hope and pray I will never ever smoke again,

Day 4

Day Four is going great so far. Mind you I have only been up for about 3 hours. My body hurts from the great workout yesterday and I am not feeling the need for a smoke. My friends on Facebook have been sending me encouraging messages and responding to my posts with tons of "ata girls" I will say though what the hell is up with my scale at the gym compared to the one at weight watchers? For example, last Friday I got on the Gym scale and it said 216. Then yesterday (wends) it said 210, I am not sure I can really count that I have lost 6 lbs in 6 days. I want to take it and say I have but I am just not sure I can trust it when on Tuesday night at my first Weight watchers meeting a different scale said 218.8!! What's a girl to do?

Went over on my points on the first day, I went over by 7 points because I went out with Shawn. It is our normal date night, so I really did not want to skip it. you have all these flex points and you can earn activity points, which I am not totally sure how that all works, So I guess I did not really go over since I could just borrow from flex points and I earned 6 activity points from my awesome workout. Hopefully this point system will not be so confusing as time goes on. Lots of my friends have lost tons of weight on weight watchers so I am really hopeful in its ability to help me. I am concerned that I will have to figure out the points for a lot of my own recipes though, because it is not like I cook from a recipe very often. I guess I will just have to relearn it. A lot of that going on this week and for the foreseeable future.

Time to do some yoga and be supremely good to myself. I swear this selfish, self indulgence is something I can get used to

Big changes

I decided I needed to blog my journey to health instead of bombard all my facebook friends with it all day long. I have not smoked a single cigarette for 3 days!!! I joined Weight watchers last night and went to my first meeting. My first weigh in was a whooping 218.8 lbs !!! Which was really really disheartening. But you know, now I know and can make positive changes in my life. I swear I have gone to bed the last 4 nights in a row at 8 pm just so I don't think about eating or smoking. But besides those sleepy hours I feel like my whole life will be consumed by food, and working out for the the next 90 lbs. That's right 90 lbs!! but for know I am focusing on my 5% goal of 11lbs then 22lbs then so on and so forth. Little by little I will get there. Wont you join me?